In a world of influencers, it’s easy to get caught up in looking like everyone else. I can’t count how many people I’ve seen wearing the same pink headband on makeup tutorial videos. Different messages, but same look. Or they all have the same sponsors, which turns into the same message. That leads to those of us not on camera looking the same, because we are clicking on the links and buying the products. It’s not just the social media influencers. We have been doing this since we were kids. If the most popular kids were wearing it, we went home and begged for it.

For me, it was Sergio Valente jeans. Calvin Klien, Gloria Vanderbilt and Sasson were popular too, but the coolest kids were in Sergio’s. We want to fit in, so we follow the mentality of the current mob and do as they do. It doesn’t have to be good or bad, it just is. And it’s not always about fashion. I even find myself swaying to what my family members like. Sometimes to avoid an argument, and other times because I don’t want to be different.

How do you hold on to your individuality in a world that is full of labels? Why is there always a box to check? Can’t I just be someone who eats a mostly plant-based diet that occasionally just wants a burger without feeling like I’m the worst? According to social media mob, no. In that case, I choose not to check any boxes. I know, I know. That is the cowardly way out.

I love social media for finding ideas and learning new things. I am the type of person that will walk into a store and ask for what’s on the mannequin. I love YouTube for the lifestyle influencers that not only teach how to shop, but how to put styles together. For me, it’s educational. However, let’s talk about the economics of it. Are we being fed a false fairy tale?

 After seven years working in retail, I understand the luxury of the aesthetic look. Personally, I do not want to look like I live at a department store. I do get great ideas from bits and pieces of their look books. I appreciated learning about clear shoe boxes. Game changer! Chef’s kiss! Scroll down to the comments of these videos and you see most people are looking at the whole and are either, upset that they can’t have everything in the video, or show some jealousy in the form of criticizing for overspending.

It’s designed to shape our actions, decisions and opinions in a not-so-subtle persuasive way. Unlike a commercial, I trust a person telling me to go buy something. It feels like a friend telling you that you are missing out on this new wonderful thing. We forget that those friends are paid to tell us we are missing out. They are a business. And you don’t have to feel poor for not being able to afford $166 worth of ice trays.

Don’t forget that everything is not instant gratification. I appreciate the influencers I follow that admit their hauls were not one big order. They saved up their money and when they had enough to do a haul, then they made the video. That to me is the key take away. They did not overspend but set a goal and saved for what they wanted. It’s only an illusion of overspending.

To save for something means you took the time to plan. That requires intention behind your action. It’s natural to make a list before going to the grocery store, but how about one before hitting a retail store? The impulse is to hit the link, but do you already have something in your closet that is similar? Do you need another white spikey vase in a different size? The answer might be yes. You may have an idea for a corner in your living room. I’m only suggesting that it be with intention.

To my original question, how do you keep your identity in a world of influence? Have the courage to be you. I always want to remind people to keep their goals in front of them. Do your goals align with what anyone is selling? I do feel a little jealous because I wish I could buy everything in a video about planners or setting up a home office desk. And don’t let me watch a video about a shoe haul. I put those Sam Edelman green loafers on my vision board! I’m still the same teenage girl wanting what the cool kids have, just at a big age. But I know that a trip to Madrid is going to be a much better experience than another pair of boots that aren’t going to fit in my carryon.

Will I ever be one of the cool kids? Probably not. You can’t truly buy your way to the cool kid’s lunch table. You have to be part of the clique. However, I can get some great ideas from them. Learn some Ikea bookshelf hacks as I plan for a remodel in my bedroom. Also, remember that I don’t need to look like them. With anything in life, remind yourself to take what you need, and leave the rest. That goes for consuming content too. Live life intentionally.

Love and light my friends,

Portia