November marks the beginning of family season. Here in the U.S., we’re gearing up for Thanksgiving — a time when extended family gathers over a meal to share what we’re grateful for. At least… that’s what it was originally intended to be. Depending on your family, this is also why Friendsgiving was invented.
Some of us show up out of pure obligation. We’ll drink a little to get through the day. We’ll politely pretend the turkey isn’t dry. But what if , stay with me here, you chose your own mental peace over the pressure? I know it goes against everything many of us were taught growing up, but I’m learning from my millennial sons: sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is simply decline the invitation.
Being “selfish” (in the healthy way) isn’t new to me. I grew up an only child until my sister arrived 18 years later. But that oldest-daughter energy runs deep. The people-pleasing, the fixing, the “I’ll handle it”… it all kicks in.
Now that I’m in my 50s, saying no is becoming easier. Protecting my mental health feels non-negotiable. Living on my own terms means no longer following the path my parents expected. I’ve written books that go against their religious beliefs. I’ve always been fascinated with astrology and tarot. I had two sons outside of marriage because I wanted to choose my freedom — not the expectation.
And yet, somewhere along the way, my life began attracting people who assumed I was endlessly available. That includes my sons, who sometimes forget that “Mom at her desk” is actually working. They assume I’ll clean, care for the dogs, keep track of all the important papers. A familiar story for many Gen X women.
Which brings me to my next chapter: space.
With the cost of living being what it is, the three of us living together made sense for a while. But now, my time, sanity, and creative energy need their own room to breathe. As I’m writing this, I have 139 days until move-out day. I’m already visualizing my new space. No one unplugging my fragrance diffusers because of allergies. No eggs scrambled and pans left on the stove. Just me taking on new experiences and not feeling obligated to take care of everyone else.
Funny thing is… this was a character in a story I abandoned years ago. A woman finally choosing herself. And I realized, this doesn’t have to stay on the page. It can be my real life.
Author & Creative Updates
Go Get the Priestess is officially available on Amazon and B&N Press. I’m beyond proud to say I hit “publish.” It was my first time working with a professional book designer, and while I had a few hiccups (none her fault), I walked away with lessons tucked neatly into my pocket for next time.
I’m also thrilled to share that the first draft of my next book is more than halfway written. My website is being updated to showcase Go Get the Priestess on my bookshelf and introduce That Night on the Bridge as my current work-in-progress. I hope you’ll take a peek at both pages.
As we enter the season of planning and new-year goals, I’ve been reflecting on 2025. My word of the year was Progress, and honestly? I lived up to it. I published my book. I created the Habits of a Writer podcast. I posted more on social media. I interacted with people. I even committed to 30 days of no negative self-talk — which was harder than I expected, but absolutely worth it. I feel braver now. More steady. More myself.
A Question for You
What’s one decision you’ve made lately that felt scary but right?
If you’re thinking about taking a leap, take it one step at a time. Offer yourself grace. The gray hair doesn’t mean we have all the answers. I love that for us. We are moving through life figuring it out one day at a time just like everyone else.
Stay true to you, my friends.
Portia Leivette
Portia Leivette 